First, gather the needed supplies. . .
---diaper cream (sometimes)
---6 or 7 small toys
Now, place baby on the changing pad, on parents bed since it is at optimal height for controlling the baby.
Now, smile and coo at the sweet baby as he lays still, and you remove his adorable shorts.
Take a deep breath (it will be the last fresh air you'll have for a bit) and proceed to remove diaper.
Smile and coo at sweet baby as he continues to lie still.
Begin to get hopes up that baby will lay still throughout the diaper changing process.
Start cleaning baby up.
As baby starts to wiggle, hand him a toy.
Dodge said toy as baby throws it at you, all the time still wiping.
Hand baby another toy.
Dodge and Wipe.
Repeat last two steps above until you're out of toys.
As the not-quite-clean baby starts to roll over, desperately hand him a clean baby wipe to distract him.
Silently say a Thank You God prayer as the baby wipe distraction works, and therefore saves your clean bedding.
Set dirty diaper aside.
Smile and coo at the now clean, half naked baby, happily playing with the wipe.
Retrieve clean diaper and diaper cream.
Working quickly, spread diaper cream on baby with one hand while holding baby's feet with another.
Still holding baby's feet, maneuver clean diaper under baby's bottom as he tries to roll over.
Hold baby's feet high above the bed as he successfully rolls over, trying not to let the thick goopy diaper cream touch the bedding. Baby is now in a semi-handstand position.
Practice the "scoop and plop" scooping baby up with free hand and plopping him back on his back. All while still holding the feet in your other hand.
Grab diaper and try to maneuver it into place.
Scoop and plop.
Acting super fast, fasten one side of diaper as baby rolls over and starts to crawl away.
Scoop and plop.
Repeat 2 steps above.
Baby is now successfully diapered. Now for the shorts.
Reach for the shorts, while keeping one hand on baby who has now spotted the dirty diaper off to the side.
Rescue dirty diaper just in time, before you-know-what is slung everywhere.
Wrestle shorts onto baby upside down as he tries to crawl away.
Pick up the sweet baby, kiss him, and place him safely on the floor to play.
Clean up changing area, dispose of dirty diaper, wash hands, check on baby. . .
Do I smell something?
Do the sniff test. . .
You have GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!