Thursday, June 27, 2013

We love horses!

The kids have had an awesome time at their first horse camps this summer! We have found a new love for all of them!


Life on the Edge

I live my life on the edge.

The edge of sanity, the edge of full joy, the edge of sadness.

I teeter precariously,  sometimes leaning far over, one way or the other.

I don't dwell on it much, dwelling won't change anything.

I take action, I plan, I manage. I take joy when I can, deep breaths often, and cry occasionally.

And every so often, I'm able to move a little farther from that edge and breathe a little easier.

This week has been that for me. This week, Camp Grammie week, Marketplace week, has been God sent. My beautiful, wonderful, exhausting children have been with my mother since Sunday evening. I will welcome them home tomorrow, with open arms and a smiling face, and for a little while I will have more patience and more energy. I have had a lot of downtime this week, a massage, quiet time alone in my house, laying in the sun in my pool, and dinner dates with my husband. I have remembered what it's like to not live on the edge. I needed this. Desperately.

I have accepted that my life, with my children will never be easy. I manage them the best I can, and constantly pray for wisdom to make the right choices for them. I try not to complain, and not to ask for too much from others. I feel a tinge of guilt for taking this few days for myself, even though I know it was what I needed. I am blessed immensly by a mother that understands, offers, and takes over my burdens and blessings quite frequently.

I feel refreshed mentally, physically, and emotionally. It may be a year from now when I feel this good again, but right now, in this moment, I feel like I can make it til then.

Thanks, Mom.

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Another day in the ER...

A decent fall through a partially built deck. Making sure he didn't bust anything inside him. All clear, thank you God!


Home Depot Fun!

We finally made it to a Home Depot kids building workshop! The kids had fun making their lawn mower pencil holders!


Thursday, June 6, 2013

Recital 2013

The girls danced beautifully in their recital, and the Grandma's (and parents!) were so proud!

Sunday, June 2, 2013


It's that wonderful time of year again, the time when we transition from school, to summer...

And all hell breaks loose.

I hate transition. Ellie has such a hard time during these phases of life, which happen way more often than I ever realized. She's miserable. I'm miserable. Our house is miserable. I know we'll get through it, we always do, I just pray for the day when we're not just surviving.

My (wonderful) mother loves to have our kids spend the night at her house fairly often. Last night was Ellie's turn, so yesterday evening and most of today, we had a family of four.

Last night, Jason swam and played with the kids while I relaxed in a lounge chair on the deck, and drank in the peaceful evening. This morning the four of us went to church, and as we left, the children's minister kindly remarked about how great our kids were. It was a rare, happy time.

I can't explain completely how it feels when Ellie's not with us. I enjoy it, I hate it, I can relax, I feel immense guilt...

Today I picked her up from her zoo class. She was happy, and as we headed toward home, just her and I, I found myself enjoying her stories, and for a little while I forgot to be on edge.

Half way home she exploded.

This evening she exploded again.

Her explosions rock me to my core. I hate it for her, I hate it for me. I hate it for Austin, who cries in fear. I hate it for Annie, who disappears quietly. It's not fair to any of us, especially Ellie, who hates herself more with every passing day.

I have lots of things in place to help her, now I just wait, and pray it all works.

Our new pool!

We are SO excited that our new pool is up and swimmable! The first time I said...sure, jump in...they did! Clothes and all! We've waited a long time for this pool, I guess they just couldn't wait anymore!

They've swam everyday since then, for about 2 weeks now, and are still loving it. I'm so excited for all the fun times ahead!