Happy New Year

I am welcoming 2012 with open arms. A new year for us all, a fresh start, changes for the better...yes please!

2011 was a tough one for us, definitely a growing year for our family.

Ellie: We have a new book in our house that could have been made just for Ellie. All Cats have Asperger's Syndrome is a sweet, beautiful, easy to understand book about the similarities cats and people with Asperger's Syndrome have. Ellie was diagnosed with this Autism Spectrum Disorder a couple of weeks ago, and we're learning what that means for our family. We're reading books, talking to experts, and becoming experts ourselves, all to help our sweet girl.

She is so sweet, in so many ways, but she struggles so much, so VERY much, in so many ways. Her sensory processing problems are still very severe. A few days ago she couldn't handle the feeling of wrapping paper under her hands. Her inability to socialize well is hard to understand. I have high hopes for her for this year though, as we continue with her therapies. She's getting a lot of help, and I am excited to see how she improves.

Ellie takes a class at the local zoo every month. She's a member of Roots and Shoots, a wonderful program started by Jane Goodall. Animals are joy for Ellie, and this class is offering incredible experiences to her. At her last zoo class Ellie got to feed a male tiger, and pet a female tiger. She is still beaming. She couldn't wait to tell me all about it. Her eyes sparkled as she explained how it all worked. She was grinning as she recounted how they put a ball of meat on a stick to feed the male tiger. I was in awe as she described the feel of the female tigers furry tail. Amazing.

We've had some other challenges this year too, some good, some not so good. Austin's ears are still quite a challenge, and he has been struggling with some social things at school and now we're working on figuring out why. Our family business is expanding, and opening in a new location tomorrow. That's been a very exciting, and exhausting adventure. The rest of us have pushed through this year, and we're ready for a better one!

So Happy New Year! Praying it's a banner year for us all!

Fancy Friday!

Annie came home a week ago, SO excited to tell me about "Fancy Friday". Her class had read Fancy Nancy books, and studied "Fancy" words, (big vocabulary words), and had earned themselves a Fancy party! With the party a week away, my sweet Annie wanted to plan her outfit RIGHT NOW. Yes, I'd say she was a tad excited. :-)

So last Thursday night we, painted her nails, rolled her hair in curlers, she reminded me, "Don't forget my jewelry mom!", and I tried to calm one very excited girl down so she could get some sleep. Friday morning she donned THE outfit...

Black dressy dress with ivory silk and lace flowers at the neck.
Black sequined trimmed leggings.
Tall shiny black boots.
A sparkly silver necklace.
Gold hoop earrings.
And because it was cold, a long ruffle trimmed sweater.

(unfortunately, none of my pics do justice to how awesome her outfit was!)

She looked beautiful! I had an ohmygoodnesssheisgrowinguptoofast moment, but I held it together.

She had a great party at school, that I got to attend as a helper. And do you see who also got to "help"? He almost looks like he could be a first grader!


Here are my fancy kids with a sweet school friend.


Annie's fancy word she picked to tell her class about was MANICURE. Grammie should be proud. :-) I think this might have been my all time favorite school party EVER. The kids looked adorable, and they were so excited. A simple, but super fun idea!

Painting

10 years ago I painted a room for my first, yet to be born, daughter. I heaved my 7 month pregnant body up and down a ladder, and all around that room. I painted trees, birdhouses, flowers, and butterflies, and clouds on the ceiling. I poured myself into it, imagining the wonderfully precious baby that would soon be sleeping there. I was young, I had never been sleep deprived, and honestly I was quite naive about what parenthood would be like. Obviously there have been a lot of twists and turns over the last 10 years, but somehow we've made it almost a decade. :)

About a year ago I realized Ellie was quickly outgrowing her room, and it's decor, so we started talking and planning, and now we're finally putting some paint on the walls!


It's a beautiful (calming) pool blue color. I love it, and I am a very happy with how things are turning out. Yes it's bittersweet. As I painted over the butterflies and flowers I remembered how excited I was 10 years ago, and how different things have gone than what I expected. What will the next 10 years hold? Only God knows. I pray that her new, calming and beautiful room, will see her grow into a lovely young woman, full of Gods glorious grace.

Stay tuned, I'll be posting pictures soon!

Shelley

It's that time again!

Oh Holy Night Religious Christmas Card

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Our journey with Ellie...

Part of my bloggy silence in the last several months has been due to a journey we've been on with Ellie. I have been silent about it, because I wanted to wait for answers. I wanted to have details to share, maybe even wisdon to impart...Ha! :) In all seriousness though, it's been a very rough road with Ellie since spring, and last June after doing some research, I set out on a path to get some serious answers.

Autism. It's a scary word, but a word that has become increasingly familiar to me in the last several months.

In August we started seeing a family counselor to explore what was going on with Ellie. Yes, she has Sensory Processing Disorder, and we have had our challenges with her in that regard, but for awhile we felt like we had things somewhat under control. Starting in the spring, and continuing over the summer Ellie slid into a bad place. Her sensory problems increased, her meltdowns increased, she became angry, sad, anxious, fearful. As school started, her problems hit an all time high. She cried for an hour before school, and an hour after school. Socially she has had an extremely rough year, not being able to handle other kids, not understanding social rules, not functioning as a typical 4th grade girl. Not even close. The possibility of an Autism Spectrum Disorder was immediately brought up, and so we began walking a new path.

We're still on this path, with all it's twists and turns and looong waits to see doctors and therapists, and have numerous evaluations done, but we finally got the first of our answers yesterday. After weeks of testing, Ellie's school has diagnosed her with Autism.

Now, if you know Ellie at arms length, you may be confused. She appears at first glance to be a very "normal" child. But if you watch her, really watch her, you will see the differences. She does not play, she does not understand social rules, she is extremely detailed, she cannot tolerate changes in routine. She is not Autistic, in the "Rain Man" sense. She is very high functioning, with her major areas of concern and delay being in social areas, sensory areas, and gross motor areas. She now has an IEP in place, that spells out her needs, and what special services she will receive. OT, Language therapy, Social Skills training, etc.

We are still waiting for a more specific diagnosis, which will come from an independent neuro-psych evaluation that is scheduled at the beginning of December. That's the "big one" in my head, the one that will give us more direction. For now though, I feel that we're on the right path. The counselor/therapist that we're seeing specializes in Autism Spectrum Disorders, and he and the school feel that we're heading in the right direction. I have struggled with this, prayed over this, cried and lost so much sleep over this, but I do feel like we're getting there.

Of course I don't want my child to have Autism, but I do want her to get the help she so desperately needs. I am counting her diagnosis as a victory. She is a bright, beautiful girl, and with a little help, I think she will use her special needs and special talents to become a wonderful help to others someday.

To be continued... :)

Music

UGH my blogging silence is killing me! I have started writing about 16 blog posts in the last month, but nothing has stuck. So I'm jumping in, be warned, it may not make sense!

My silence has been caused by many things...Laundry, Dishes, Kids, Doctor's appointments, Exercise, The Real Housewives shows... So I have a LOT to catch up on. Today though, my thoughts are on music.

I love music. I used to always have something playing loudly, then I had kids.

Now they are what's playing loudly.

Lately though, I've rediscovered my love for loudly playing music. While I clean, while I workout, while I drive, when I'm trying to drown out the sound of screaming children...

I was listening to a lot of country and pop, but started turning on the local Christian radio station more and more, because I wasn't loving a lot of the DJ's commentary while my kids were in the car. Not to mention the news reports, yikes.

So I've discovered a few new to me, super awesome songs, that pretty much sum up my life right now.

All things MANDISA. OH my word she is awesome. My favorites of hers:

Shackles: Fun, upbeat, truth. Love the words...

"Everything that could go wrong
All went wrong at one time
So much pressure fell on me
But I know you wanna see
If I will hold on through these trials
But I need you to lift this load
'Cause I can't take it anymore"


Broken Hallelujah: Not upbeat, but so speaks to my heart right now.

"When all that I can sing
Is a broken hallelujah
When my only offering
Is shattered praise
Still a song of adoration
Will rise up from these ruins
I will worship You and give You thanks"

So I realize it sounds like I'm going through a lot right now, and that's because I am. We are. I believe with all my heart things are heading in the right direction though, and I will be more specific soon. We are still seeking help and answers for Ellie, and have a fairly good idea of what's going on with her, we're just in the waiting process still. Which brings me to my next song...

Stronger:

"When the waves are taking you under
Hold on just a little bit longer
He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger
The pain ain't gonna last forever
And things can only get better
Believe me
This is gonna make you stronger"

and

"'Cause if He started this work in your life
He will be faithful to complete it
If only you believe it
He knows how much it hurts
And I'm sure that He's gonna help you get through this"

And finally, to wrap up Mandisa's songs...

Waiting for Tomorrow: In all this waiting, I have to remember that I can't put off everything, including taking care of myself.

"Maybe tomorrow I'll start over
maybe tomorrow I will finally change my way
said the same thing yesterday
don't know why I'm so afraid
to let you in to let you win
to let you have all of me

I can't live my whole life wasting
all the grace that I know you've given
Cause you made me for so much more than
sitting on the sidelines
I don't want to look back and wonder
If good enough could have been better
every days a day that's borrowed
so why am I waiting for tomorrow"

So, yeah, big Mandisa fan now!

Another song I am loving is Blessings, by Laura Story. Such beautiful music and lyrics that also speak so strongly to me right now.

"'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise"

And finally, Hold us Together, by Matt Maher. Love this song's vibe, and it's message.

"Love will hold us together
Make us a shelter
to weather the storm

And I'll be my brothers keeper
So the whole world will know
That we´re not alone"

I don't know what I would have done without my "keepers" lately. My friends, my family. People I can lean on, cry to, talk to, call to pick up kids. They are what keeps me going. Thank you SO much. I know I'm not alone because of you all.

So like I said, I started turning on the Christian station to avoid the not so great commentaries for the kids. Then I found these great songs, and added them to my playlists. Then one day I noticed Ellie was singing the words to ALL of these songs. These are the words that are getting in her head now, instead of whatever was on the radio before. Wow, count me convicted. I'm not saying I was a bad parent for playing non-Christian music, I'm just saying it really hit me that what's playing in the background really does matter.

I've also noticed that I wake up with these songs in my head, I hum these songs when I'm working, I go to bed with these words on my mind. And my attitude is much better because of it. I've always known that music had a lot of power over me, but somewhere along the road I'd forgotten just how much.

I know this was crazy long, but check out the songs when you have time. Maybe they'll brighten your day too. :)

Nine Eleven

On this day 10 years ago, Jason and I slept in a little. It was his day off from work, and who knows what we had planned. Life was so simple back then. I was 3 1/2 months pregnant with Ellie, and over-the-moon excited about becoming a mommy. Jason worked 4 days a week in the family business and we spent lots of time together. We shopped, we ate out, we planned the nursery, we saw movies, and every couple of months we'd travel to Kentucky to see Jason's brother Chris, his wife Michelle, and our sweet toddler niece Olivia. It was a gloriously easy time of life.

I remember turning on the Today show, as I usually did when I woke up. The first plane had hit TWC, and the news was all abuzz with what that meant. Within minutes the second tower was hit, and I ran to wake Jason. We watched in horror as the rest of the morning played out. I cried and cried, fearful of what this might mean for the world my baby would be born into. We called Michelle, Chris was serving as a psychologist in the army at Fort Knox. She was scared and nervous about what this meant for them, Chris' job, and sweet Olivia. As the day progressed, I remember we went to get gas in all our vehicles, just in case. The rest of the day was spent glued to the tv, flipping between networks, and praying to God that everything would be okay.

In the last 10 years, many things have changed. Ellie is 9 1/2, and we added two more children to our family. Our sweet niece Olivia is 11, and is a great big sis to Elaina. Chris finished his military job, and he and Michelle moved to our little town to help us run the family business. 4 day work weeks are a thing of the past now, life is crazy busy, and at times pretty complicated.

Today Jason and I took the kids to Silver Dollar City. As our tram pulled up to the entrance we saw this...


It was beautiful. And then the questions began..."Mom, why is that there? What's going on? Is today a holiday?". As we walked into the park, God Bless America was being sung. I paused and listened, and remembered. I gently and simply told the girls the meaning of "Patriots Day", and how it evolved, and then they ran off to pet the goats. Tears filled my eyes as I watched them be so carefree. I am so thankful.

I am thankful to the men and women who serve our country. Military, Firefighters, Police...all those who protect and serve. I am thankful to God. Yes, our world has changed in the past 10 years, but my family is safe and our country is free and today I was able to enjoy a day of fun with my family. Thank you Lord for my family.


We will always remember.

Shelley