Life on the Edge

I live my life on the edge.

The edge of sanity, the edge of full joy, the edge of sadness.

I teeter precariously,  sometimes leaning far over, one way or the other.

I don't dwell on it much, dwelling won't change anything.

I take action, I plan, I manage. I take joy when I can, deep breaths often, and cry occasionally.

And every so often, I'm able to move a little farther from that edge and breathe a little easier.

This week has been that for me. This week, Camp Grammie week, Marketplace week, has been God sent. My beautiful, wonderful, exhausting children have been with my mother since Sunday evening. I will welcome them home tomorrow, with open arms and a smiling face, and for a little while I will have more patience and more energy. I have had a lot of downtime this week, a massage, quiet time alone in my house, laying in the sun in my pool, and dinner dates with my husband. I have remembered what it's like to not live on the edge. I needed this. Desperately.

I have accepted that my life, with my children will never be easy. I manage them the best I can, and constantly pray for wisdom to make the right choices for them. I try not to complain, and not to ask for too much from others. I feel a tinge of guilt for taking this few days for myself, even though I know it was what I needed. I am blessed immensly by a mother that understands, offers, and takes over my burdens and blessings quite frequently.

I feel refreshed mentally, physically, and emotionally. It may be a year from now when I feel this good again, but right now, in this moment, I feel like I can make it til then.

Thanks, Mom.

it looks like we're adding another family member.

no, i'm not pregnant! but in a week, it will be as if we had a newborn again.

we're getting a puppy. and yes, i'm crazy!

since our black lab abbie went to puppy heaven, we've been exploring the idea of a puppy. our other dog elvis is all by himself now, and he really does need a playmate. so, we decided on a border collie and proceeded to look for breeders.

that was crazy! apparently this breed is quite hard to find around here. we wanted a registered one so we truly know what we're getting. we found one near st. louis, but they wanted $500 for her! i'm sorry, but i'm not paying that much to add a whole nother level of craziness to my life!!!

seriously, $500!

so then i found this adorable little puppy in the rolla area, and they want $100 for him. since we'll be coming through there next sunday anyway, it does seem divinely arranged. we showed the pics to ellie, and of course she wanted him!

so it's settled. we've sent a $50 deposit to "hold" the puppy for us, and on our way home from st. louis sunday, we'll pick him up.

and then i truly will go crazy.

maybe the craziness has already set in, because i'm actually kind of excited about it. check back with my state of mind in about a week.

our next item of business will be to name the pup. any ideas? things to consider: he's a boy border collie, he's black and white, we have one dog named elvis and a cat named daisy. lauren (my cousin), you're working at the vet place, any awesome names you've heard? and any tips you've picked up on handling a puppy? ha! i just realized i'm asking my darling cousin who isn't really a "dog" person for puppy advice! i really am losing it! (just kidding lauren!)

oh, and did i mention we're crazy?

crazy!

Oh my. i'm feeling a bit crazed right now. i've spent at least 3/4's of this day on the computer, and i wasn't even blogging!!! we've decided to go away for a couple of days to good ole st. louie. we'll be leaving friday, and coming home sunday. not a "big" trip, but enough to send me into "super planning mode." so here i have sat all day, trying to plan the "perfect" getaway for our little family. so far i've booked a hotel and searched about a million travel websites. i've completely lost control of my household, and in turn, my temper. i have not accomplished hardly anything else today, except putting one load of laundry in the washer. my 5 year old is now crying and slamming a door. i hope this is not what the "vacation" will be like!

in other news, my internet hasn't been working well lately, and i've been stressing over being cut off from my email and my blog! i was relieved to find that i didn't miss a ton, although when i realized i missed my thursday 13 i almost cried!

do you ever have those moments when you just want to crawl in bed and hide? i'm so there right now. tomorrow my mom is taking the girls for 3 nights, i think it's just in time, i'm seriously close to losing it!!!