I am becoming a mama...

2002: Six years ago I had my first Mother's Day. I remember being so excited, so full of love for my sweet baby girl. I was a mother! I remember that day, feeling so validated, like I had truly come into my own self. Those early days of motherhood were easy for me. I wasn't overwhelmed, I wasn't scared, I was born to be a mother! I delighted in bathing my baby, giving her lotion massages, dressing her, nursing her, rocking her to sleep. I delighted in the smell of her, the touch of her. Her smiles made me melt, her blue eyes held such wonder. She was a beautiful baby! Ellie was around three months old on my first Mother's day, and I was twenty-five. Our house was smaller, our car was smaller and Jason only worked four days a week. Life was simple, sweet, and perfect. I thought I had it all figured out.

2005: Three years later, I had my first Mother's Day as a mommy of two. Ellie was three years old, and Annie was nine months old. Life was beginning to get more complicated. Ellie's strong personality had come out, about the time Annie was born. Yikes! We no longer stayed home alone most days. Over the past three years I had found Mops, and began serving on the steering team. I had begun to make the best friends of my life, and we frequently made play dates. Life got busier with two kids, more friends, a bigger car, and Jason working six days a week. Jason was diagnosed with a kidney disease shortly before that Mother's Day. We had also begun an addition on our home, which added to the overall feeling of hecticness and exhaustion. Life wasn't as simple, and I began to struggle with balancing everything.

2008: Six years after my first Mother's Day. Six years of being a mommy. Wow. So much has changed!

Our house is finished, and much bigger than it was six years ago. Our car is also much bigger, and uses a lot more gas, ouch! Life is definitely not simple and easy anymore. Jason works six days a week still, but he now gets two mornings off, which is nice. We're still learning though. I think I felt more confident as a mother of one than I do as a mother of three. I thought I had it all figured out that first Mother's Day, six short, yet long, years ago. Mothering has become harder. Now I have to answer questions from my six year old about the things she hears at school. I have to juggle the demands of family and friends and kids. We have sports and dance and school. I think back to that first Mother's Day and wonder...what happened?! When did it all get so complicated? We're coming out of a crazy couple of years. I've learned to say no to things, to cut out what isn't worthwhile, and to draw near to the things and people that are.

I still delight in my children! I think more so now that I realize how fleeting it all is! I still have a baby, sweet Austin, to bathe and dress and tickle until he chuckles out loud. He's not so little, but he's still my baby! For one more year anyway. I suppose it's the last year, he'll be 2 1/2 next year. Sigh.

Annie, my sweet, easy, middle child is growing into a beautiful girl. She is so funny and sassy and witty. She delights me with her lovingness. Just the other day she asked me..."Mama, do you need some lovin'?" You know what my answer was! Oh how that girl melts my heart!

My sweet Ellie has grown up far to fast. Her beautiful blue eyes still captivate me, but now it's when she's telling me a story, or asking me a question. She's 6 1/2, and almost finished with kindergarten. It's been a good, but tough year, with a lot of growing for all of us. The last two months have been really good. She's figuring herself out, learning to handle herself better, and in turn, being a much happier girl.

I feel like I'm becoming a true Mama. A mama, to me, is someone who doesn't have it all figured out. Someone who makes mistakes, who gets frustrated, who cries and who laughs through all the trials and victories that motherhood brings. I sometimes just want to throw my hands in the air and scream at the top of my lungs...Would everyone just be quiet!!! Actually, I have done that a few times! I am a work in progress, in so many ways. God has shown me strengths and weaknesses I never knew I had through this process. He has brought me to Him in ways that I could have never imagined. It's been quite a ride so far, and only He knows what is to come. I am learning more every day to trust Him. It isn't always easy, but my God is faithful!

I know one thing for sure, I will never again think I have it all figured out!

So, Happy Mother's Day! I hope everyone of you Mama's has a wonderful day!